So you have Autism and you’re depressed?

Studies have shown 3 out of 4 people with Autism Spectrum Disorder suffer from mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. While I was pondering these gloomy statistics I was reminded by what an old professor once said; “when we suffer enough, we will change.”

When people are in their darkest moments and contemplating suicide, when they have little self-esteem and their lives have been a constant struggle, what stops them from ending their lives? Do they get to the place in themselves when they have suffered enough and want to change? Do they then realize that they need to find new meaning in their lives and come to terms with their difficulties?

What gets a person to such a desperate place that they feel suicide is a logical choice? School, college pressure, childhood abuse, dependent adult abuse, medical illness and loss of family and loss of love are contributing factors. The lack of friendships and positive relationships significantly effect children, teenagers and adults.

Perhaps they are weighed down by too many burdens and may feel they are not living the life they had hoped, perhaps they do not know what to do and say in the social arena. For people with autism they often feel incompetent in social situations. They may desire connections, but do not know how to go about maintaining relationships. The confusion of the world, demands of school and work, adversity, isolation, confusion, may cause an already overwhelmed person to become anxious or depressed.

In some cases teenagers and adults with autism have major depression. They may lack motivation, have an irritated and or depressed mood, poor sleeping, poor eating habits and suicidal thoughts. In some situations a person requires hospitalization as they become so impaired that they need a place to be evaluated, given 24 hour supervision and stabilized. In times like these, the client, family and staff team feel under significant pressure to keep the person safe. Crisis management requires excellent coordination between all team members and a well thought out safety plan. The client may be despondent or agitated and may not feel optimistic about treatment at this time.

How do you know when depression comes knocking at the door and what do you do about it? Below are some questions for the person with ASD to help determine if they have depression.

1) Are you feeling agitated, sad and isolated frequently?

2) Do you feel that it is very difficult making friends at school or work?

3) Do you experience your life as overwhelming and have lots of negative thoughts?

4) Do you have thoughts of suicide or thoughts of hurting others?

5) Do you suffer from an underlying medical illness? Many people with autism suffer from gastrointestinal issues or acid reflux and may not communicate when they are in pain.

6) Do you struggle to work though the difficulties you face? Can you balance out the struggles with the positives of having Autism or Aspergers syndrome?

7) Have you recently been hospitalized? Do you have a specific plan to hurt yourself and a specific time frame to do it in?

8) Do you lack enjoyable activities and lack purpose?

9) Do you have intrusive thoughts, panic and anxiety when in a social situation?


If you answered yes to three or more of these questions you may be at risk of having depression or anxiety. Do not let your depression get so serious before you seek treatment from a therapist who has experience with autism and mental health. If you are feeling suicidal let someone know immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also call 1800 suicide a 24 hour hotline for people feeling suicidal.

Nicky Palmer is a Licensed Marital Family Therapist in the state of California. She is the Director of ASD Consultancy and has supported families on the spectrum for over eleven years. She is also an RDI ® Certified Consultant. You can contact Nicky at nicky@asdconsultancy.com 562 298 0603 or go to http://www.asdhelp.com/ for more information.

My child was diagnosed with Autism;So Now what?

So your child was just diagnosed with Autism. Perhaps you were told they have Autistic like characteristics, or PDD. Ok, so are you thinking, now what?

Let’s back up a little. First, you probably took you child to early intervention services as you sensed your child was struggling, or someone else sensed your child was struggling. Perhaps they did say their first words, facial gaze and smile when they were supposed to. Perhaps they lost their abilities as they approached the ages of 1.5 to 2. Perhaps they did not smile, wave and use language to greet you, hug you and say I love you. Whatever the situation, you knew that something was different.

The assumption parents often have is that early intervention services will address the challenges their child has and they can then terminate services. The hope is often that the child will go into a mainstream school environment with no further support and then all fears, doubts and challenges will be resolved.

Unfortunately, for the child with ASD this is not often the case. As they approach their third birthday a big event happens. For some children they get evaluated by the school district and regional center (if in California) to determine eligibility for services. At this point the parents’ lives may change forever. I hear many families say that their dreams for the child went out the window and they could not really comprehend what was being said to them at the time of the diagnosis due to shock. Some parents felt relief that they finally got some answers to their concerns over their child’s development and unfamiliar behaviors that they could not make sense of.

Once the diagnosis is given many families have shock, anger, depression and guilt. These are typical responses to a traumatic event. These feelings may resurface through the family lifecycles as new challenges emerge. Some families report that they cope better as their children get older. Some report that their stress levels are directly correlated to the impairments their child has. A few families adjust to the news and feel relief that they can now create a plan for their family and adjust accordingly.Once a family receives the diagnosis they are often bombarded with numerous services to engage in. There is speech, OT, sensory integration, Behavioral support, social skills groups and swimming, gymnastics and adaptive skills training, Families then get busy. No, I should say, families get really busy. The hope then is that these services will then provide the family the guidance they need in addressing the challenges that they are faced with. Not only do we have to address the question of how effective these services are, but we have to look at how the parents are coping with the news that their child has received a diagnosis of a disability. How do they accept the news? How do they understand the news? How will this news shape their lives? What meaning do they attribute to the news? The meaning the family creates can be a key in creating a positive outcome.If the parents have grief work to do, we hope they support each other to work through the grief and come out the other side with a renewed sense of hope and optimism.

Looking back five to ten years ago we did not have the hope that we now have in the field of Autism. We now believe that we can live with Autism, love Autism and build relationships within Autism. We can now dismiss the old ideas of being instutionalized and that a person with Autism is resigned to a poor quality of life. We are pleased to embrace new hope and new aspirations.

Here are some tips for coping when you receive the diagnosis:

Seek out family and friends who provide support to you.

Evaluate your thoughts and feelings about the diagnosis. It is natural to have mood changes in response to stressors.

Draw on you and your partner’s strengths to give each other support.

Join parents groups to talk with other parents to support you.

Seek counseling if distressed. Addressing the emotional difficulties is important for well-being and coping.

Balance out the services. Do not sign up for numerous services without evaluating the benefits of these services and the time and effort they bring with them.

Maintain personal space and time. Personal interests, help us to rejuvenate ourselves. If you find yourself saying you are too busy to take care of yourself, then you are in danger of becoming burned out and depressed.

Seek out a childcare person for respite breaks for date nights and seeing family and friends.

Create opportunities for success by building your child’s confidence and motivation for managing complex social relationships.

Ask for help if you need it! Share the responsibilities of childcare and managing the home.

Nicky Palmer is a Licensed Marital Family Therapist in the state of California. She is the Director of ASD Consultancy and has supported families on the spectrum for over eleven years. She is also an RDI ® Certified Consultant. You can contact Nicky at nicky@asdconsultancy.com 562 298 0603 or go to http://www.asdhelp.com/ for more information.

Pass the link onto a friend: http://www.asdhelp.com/

Come meet Nicky Palmer at the CURE AUTISM NOW WALK in Los Angeles.

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Making friends on the playground when you have Autism Spectrum Disorder

The bell rings for recess and the neurotypical children eagerly run to the playground to let off steam. However, the child with Autism Spectrum Disorder is often filled with anxiety; they have fear of the unknown and are unsure of what to do at recess. So many decisions to be made; what do I play? How do I play it? With whom do I play? How come the rules of the games change? How come peers lose interest just when I am making sense of the game? For some people with ASD the uncertainty of the disorganized playground is too much and they retreat into their own isolation and pace back and forth until recess is over.

Many parents hope that their children will make friends. Many parents dream that their children will be happy and find meaning in their lives.

Some people with ASD can make friendships and do make friendships. They sustain interactions and repair the inevitable difficulties that occur in the unpredictable patterns of communications. Fortunately, these children will often feel less vulnerable and less isolated on the playground. They are also likely to feel less anxious and depressed when they are teenagers, as they have supportive friendships to identify with.

So the big question at hand is; how do we help the child with ASD to make friends, sustain friendships and feel connected to peers and enjoy recess?

Below are some tips to help your child or student feel more included and less isolated on the playground:

1. Talk to your child about how they are coping at recess and problem solve together to improve your child’s daily experiences at school. It will also open up your communication.


2. Write social-emotional goals into your Individualized Education Plan

(IEP). Be sure to write goals in a specific and measurable way. Commenting on; interactions, flexibility, ability to manage uncertainty and isolation patterns.



3. Have a teacher or aide observe recess on a monthly basis and record data on friendship development, isolation patterns and repetitive speech and interactions. Address these issues at monthly team collaboration meetings.


4. Teach games in a quiet 1:1 environment, to build the child’s abilities and feelings of confidence when attempting games on the playground. Teach games that are developmentally appropriate and are played regularly on the playground such as; Young Children 3-7: Jump rope, climbing frame, hanging out on the swings and riding bikes. 7+ Basketball, Soccer, Four Square, Dodge Ball and trading cards.


5. Focus on building internal motivation (motivation increases when we feel successful) rather than providing external incentives for making friends. We want to enhance the child’s desire to make friends because they enjoy being with others, not because they receive a reward for it.


6. Ensure your teacher or aide is aware of the social goals and is able to fade prompts so the child can build more natural support from peers.


7. Provide the person with ASD the option to have some quiet time and structured time for self-regulation. Remember, many people with ASD require some solitude as they find social interaction stressful. Focus on quality of the interactions not the quantity.


8. Explore activities that the school provides such as Chess club, Homework Club, Dance, Drama and Sports Clubs. Perhaps your child would enjoy getting involved.


9. It may be helpful to have a counselor available for your child to spend time with to address the difficulties with making friends.


10. Work as a team with your child, teacher, aide, counselor and family to provide a supportive collaborative environment.

We all strive to have joy, love, friends and meaning in our lives. Children with ASD are no different in this regard. They just need some support to get them there! For more information of Autism Services please contact Nicky Palmer, M.S, Licensed Marital Family Therapist and Director of ASD Consultancy. You can contact Nicky at nicky@asdconsultancy.com or 562 298 0603. For more help see Nicky’s site at www.asdconsultancy.com

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